AI Dungeon Completions: The Marriage Proposal

I’ve been playing around with AI Dungeon a little bit again, and got to what I thought was a rather funny scenario: a man, Duncan, returns from the war, and proposes to a princess. Everything before that isn’t terribly interesting, but the underpinning trope here is that someone answers a marriage proposal by revealing a secret. It seemed like a great opportunity to test out some of the completions to see how it would take it. My assumption was that, seeing a narrative structure that’s been done millions of times before, it would continue on basically the same no matter what, but as it turns out, there are limits.

(Note: Dramatis personae are Duncan, a solider returned from the war, and Veronica, a princess. The first sentence is mine, and typically everything after ‘you take a deep breath’ is mine until the end of the quotation mark, with the AI allowed to complete for as long as I was entertained. This means some culling of nonsense. I take no responsibility for anything printed here.)

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I can have children.”
Duncan’s shoulders fall, but he soon recovers. “That’s okay,” he replies, “as long as you’re with me, there’s nothing else that I need.”
You kiss him, and can feel the corners of your mouth turning up.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with other men.” You feel regretful as soon as you say it.
Duncan’s face falls. He looks like he’s going to be sick. “I see,” he says, looking away from you.
“I’m sorry, I should have told you before.”
Duncan breathes in and out deeply, then looks back up at you. “It’s okay. I can live with it.”
You look surprised. “You can?”
“Yeah, I really do love you. I want to be with you.”
“I’ll tell you everything,” you say. “Everything you missed about me. And everything I missed about you as well.”
He smiles, and happiness washes over his face.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with other men, and should we marry, I intend to continue. One man simply isn’t enough to satisfy me.”
Duncan’s eyes widen, and a look of disgust appears on his face. “I see,” he says. “Well, you’ve answered my question. Good bye Veronica.”
“Please, Duncan,” you sob, “I love you!”
“Obviously not as much as I love you,” he says, ” Goodbye.”
“Wait!” you call you. “Is there nothing that I can do to change your mind? No way to make this work?”
He thinks for a moment, then smiles. “Yes, there is one thing. You can promise to remain faithful. Should I find out you’ve been sleeping with other men, we’re finished. You will be mine, and only mine.”

> You say “Well … can I still sleep with women?”
Duncan’s eyes widen. “Wha… why would you want to do that?”
“Because I like both men and women, not just men.”
Duncan throws his hands up in frustration. “Fine!”

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I was born a man.”
Duncan’s face falls. He slowly nods. The two of you sit there in silence for a moment, before he breaks it. “That explains why I’ve never seen you without a shirt.”
“What?” you ask, confused.
“The first time we met, when you saved my life from the assassin in Nalin, I glimpsed your abdomen. It was flat and toned like a warriors.”
You nod slowly. “I suppose that was my trigger.”
“And you never told me.” His voice is stern.
“I didn’t want you to treat me any differently.”
Duncan shakes his head skeptically. “You expect me to believe that?”
“If you can’t, then maybe we shouldn’t be married.” Anger wells up inside you.
“There are a lot of things I’m not understanding right now. Could you at least explain them?”
“I’m not sure I should. The only thing that should matter is whether you still love me.” Your voice trembles.
“Of course I do… but…”
“Then that should be enough.” You bite your lip.
Duncan takes a deep breath and exhales, nodding. “I accept you.”

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I lay eggs, like a chicken.”
Duncan seems confused for a moment, then he begins to laugh. “I was wondering what we’d do on our wedding night.”
“You mean you still want to marry me? I thought you’d think I was a freak,” you say.
“Of course! I love you!” he says, and puts the ring on your finger. He hugs you tight, and looks into your eyes.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m your long lost sister.”
Duncan’s face turns bright red. “You’re my sister?!”
“Yes, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. When we were little…” you trail off.
“I know,” he says, “our parent’s died in that carriage wreck.”
You nod.
“Well, this is a turn of events,” he says. “I guess you’re my sister now.” He smiles.
“I know it’s silly but I always wanted a sister,” he says. He looks you up and down. “You really have grown up.”

> You say “Can we still marry?”
Duncan smiles. “Of course.”
You throw your arms around his neck and kiss him. Your first kiss. It’s a little slobbery, but it feels so right.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m not a princess. Three years ago, I was a peasant, and I switched places with the princess. We were supposed to switch back, but one thing led to another, and I assumed her position permanently.”
Duncan doesn’t seem deterred. “I don’t care.”
“I do.” You say, your eyes beginning to water. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
“Then don’t,” he says.
“But I-“
He puts a finger to your lips, shushing you. “Veronica, what matters is that we love each other, right?” You nod.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m dying. I only have eleven months to live.”
Duncan looks shocked. After a moment, he begins to laugh. “Ha ha ha!” He takes you in his arms and holds you close. “My love, if eleven months is all we have then we must make the best of it!”

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I had an abortion.”
He looks confused. “An abortion? I don’t understand.”
You feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes. “I was pregnant, and I got rid of the baby.”
Duncan’s face becomes unreadable. “I see,” he says.
You take a deep breath. “I didn’t have the courage to tell you, but I had to let you know.”
Duncan pauses for a long moment. “Well,” he says, “I suppose that’s your decision. If you don’t want to have a baby, that’s your choice.”
You begin to feel sick. “You don’t care?”
He gives you an odd look. “Of course I care. But as I said, it’s your body, and your decision.”

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m a werewolf.”
Duncan doesn’t look surprised, but he does look a bit more nervous. “Does that mean you’re going to turn into a giant wolf and eat me?”
You smile. “No, that only happens when the curse activates, and only for a few nights around the time of the full moon. But I’m still a wolf. I can sense things. Like fear.” You lean in closer to him. “But I can also sense something else. Lust.” You whisper in his ear so that your warm breath makes him shudder.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I farted.”
Duncan’s face turns ashen. “You what?”
“I farted.”
“No, that’s…that’s not what I meant!”
“Well then, what did you mean? Be specific.”
“I…can we talk about this later? I want to pretend this didn’t happen.”

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
Duncan looks surprised. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about George W. Bush, the president of the United States of America.” You say.
He raises an eyebrow, looking confused. “So, what, does he think black people taste bad or something?”
You sigh. “No, you don’t understand. George W. Bush just doesn’t care about black people.”
He frowns. “Of course he does. He’s the president of every American citizen.”
“No, that’s Barack Obama.”
He looks exasperated, and you feel like smacking him in the head. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. This is harder than you thought it would be.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m just your reflection. You’re talking to a mirror.”
Duncan stares at you with a confused look on his face. “What?”
“You’re talking to a mirror, numbskull.”
Duncan squints at you, looking you up and down. “How can you be a mirror? You can talk.”
“I’m your conscience, dunce. Now do you understand that I’m not real? I’m just a figment of your imagination.”
Duncan frowns and takes his ring, putting it away.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m three boys in a trenchcoat, stacked up on top of each other.”
Duncan seems surprised. “What does that mean? Are you serious?”
You nod. “I am a human, but I’m also three separate people in one body, stacked up on each other like a trenchcoat. The top one is the real me, the one who thinks and speaks. The one beneath that is basically an animal, it controls our heart rate, blood flow, and removes any dead tissue. The third one regulates our needs, like hunger, thirst, and bladder.”
“That’s insane,” he says.
You shrug your shoulders. “Is it? Is it any crazier than a man who thinks he’s in love with his sister? I’ll take my truth over your lie any day.”
You shove the ring back in his hand.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “I’m a Pieces.”
Duncan’s eyes widen in surprise. His mouth opens, but nothing comes out for a moment. Then, he takes a deep breath and sighs. “Well… That changes things.”
“I know.”
“I love you, Veronica.”
“I… Know.”
He sighs once more. “Will you marry me?”
You stare at this kind, brave man in front of you.

> You say “Duncan, before I answer, there’s something that you must know.”
Duncan looks nervous. “Yes?”
You take a deep breath. “Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.”
Duncan looks at you. “What?”
“Jet fuel burns at a maximum of 1500 degrees. Steel doesn’t melt until around 3000. I looked it up.”
Duncan’s face falls. “So what the fuck are you saying?”
“I’m saying… the towers fell at free fall speed. Jet fuel can’t melt steel. Buildings don’t fall down at free fall speed unless they’re demolished.”
Duncan stares at you with a blank, expressionless face. “You… are a crazy, cocksucking bitch.”

> You say “Can we still get married?”
He backs out of your embrace and you see his fists clench. “I am sorry, I can’t do that.”